Infamous ex-gangster and once Britain's most violent prisoner, Shane Taylor, has lost count of how many prisons he has been locked up in.
But he does remember what first made him want to kill.
Watching Goodfellas as a child, he used to hit rewind on the opening scene where a gangster is stabbed in the boot of a car again and again.
Shane's friends even got bored and wanted to go out, but the angry County Durham teen relished the idea of one day killing someone.
He says that came from a tough time at school, where he was made fun of for not being intelligent - and finally "snapped".
Shane told podcaster James English: "It got to this point where I said: 'I'm sick of this, I've had enough of this'.
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"And I remember making this little thing in my head, which I didn't think was gonna come true at the time, a pact that said 'One day no one's gonna pick on me again. Everyone's gonna fear me.'"
Shane became the first youngster ever to be given a Section 53 order, which means he could be effectively imprisoned for two years despite being a child.
At just 15, Shane was burgling a house armed with a nine-inch kitchen blade when a police officer tackled him in the garden and confiscated the knife.
The officer accused the boy of trying to stab him – which Shane says he never did.
That saga made the teenager hate the police and want to exact revenge.
He even said at the hearing: "I promise you one day before I die, I'll kill a police officer.
"They were going 'You don't mean that' and I said back, 'I mean every word I just said'."
He later ran away from prison so he could be sent to a young offenders' institution because he thought it would be "less scary".
Shane said: "I was petrified at first. Absolutely petrified."
But when he realised there were about 30 people on the prison wing he already knew from outside, the place became immediately familiar.
Shane started his first riot soon later.
When he saw a female prison officer using the lads' pool table, Shane took off his jumper, put all the balls inside and started swinging it round.
Within minutes he'd smashed up the TV and the riot bell was going off.
The chaos soon ended but Shane was moved to another prison, where he smashed up his cell after the canteen servers gave him too small a portion of food.
Shane told a shocked James English he has stabbed 15 people – and enjoyed "every one".
Shane said: "I enjoyed everything. The fear in their faces.
"The majority of the time it was just about getting my reputation and having people fear me."
But the notorious ex-con teared up as he recalled the terror he caused in the children of a man he once attacked at their home.
He got a four-year sentence for the attempted murder of a child he stabbed in the head, with the final charge being reduced by his lawyers.
But that jail stint was doubled when he brutally stabbed two prison officers with a coffee jar in July 2002 after they refused to let him use the prison gym.
He recalled: "I went up to these two lads and told them to go to the end of the wing. I said, 'When it all kicks off, just stand in front of the gates so they can't get off the wing.'
"The officers got up to get off the wing, the lads jumped in front of the gates.
"At this point I pulled out the jar, smashed the bottom off and started slashing and stabbing them.
"Another office came and I stabbed him as well.
"It [became] a different ball game, then."
Despite becoming a big name at the institutions he was locked up in, Shane's endless prison terms he got made him deeply depressed.
He was never suicidal, but he did purposely put himself in highly dangerous situations where death was just around the corner.
Shane said: "I thought: 'I'll go out with a bang.' But I'll do it right, not cowardly.
"I'll go on a rampage and let them kill me in the process. If someone would've stabbed me it would've been a good thing at the time."
Luckily, Shane avoided murder by his fellow prisoners, but he didn't escape serious violence by the prison officers who were supposed to protect him.
He said they used to choke him to the point he nearly died before taking their weight off his neck at the last moment.
His reputation became so bad when he faced the adjudication board, the governor and the judge were wearing full riot gear, fearing his outbursts.
But the turning point for Shane came after he started dealing heroin in prison – even putting out a hit on an officer.
At that low point of his life, a Christian inmate serving a life sentence started speaking to him about how he felt "free" thanks to his religion.
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Shane was initially sceptical but then accidentally walked into the prison chaplaincy.
It was an amazing set of coincidences that led him there: Shane wasn't on the list to go in, but was misdirected by an officer who sent him to the chapel.
Then, he was allowed to stay despite posing a serious threat and breaking the maximum-security prison rules.
When Shane realised there was free biscuits and strawberry cake inside – a far cry from the hardy prison diet he'd become used to – he stuck around.
The chaplain read some prayers to Shane, who was challenged to find some inner spirituality too.
He told James: "I remember saying to myself, 'God if you're real, do something. Please come in to my life.'
"And as I was talking, I started to feel an energy feeling in my stomach start to raise up and raise up.
"And I uncontrollably sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.
"And I realised the hurt I'd done, the bad I'd done."
From that point on, he became a "totally different person" and all the kills he had planned for when he left prison were immediately shelved.
Shane was released in 2007, joined a church and met his wife Sam soon later.
They married in 2008, with 100 witnessing the wedding.
Shane and Sam have four kids together – Angel, Grace, Isaac and Jacob.
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