Paramore frontwoman Hayley Williams was so depressed in the midst of her divorce from New Found Glory guitarist Chad Gilbert that she was barely eating — and her weight dropped down to just 91 lbs.

The 31-year-old singer was with Chad for ten years, married for two, before they announce their split in the summer of 2017.

Haley has spoken out about her depression during this period several times since, but in a new interview with The Guardian, she said that it was seeing photos of herself at her unhealthily low weight that made her realize their was no hiding her mental health struggles any longer.

Tiny: Paramore frontwoman Hayley Williams was so depressed in the midst of her 2017 divorce that she was barely eating — and her weight dropped down to just 91 lbs. (pictured Aug. 2017)

Not eating: At just 5'1", Haley's 91 lb. weight gave her a BMI of 17.2, which is considered underweight (pictured May 2017)

At just 5'1", Haley's 91 lb. weight gave her a BMI of 17.2, which is considered underweight. 

But it took seeing herself on film in two music videos for her 2017 album After Laughter for her to realize that she looked sick.

'It wasn’t until I saw the pictures that I was like, there’s no hiding that I’m not OK now,' she said. 'And part of me enjoyed that — if people know I’m not OK, they won’t get too close.'

Thankfully, her band mates got her to start eating again, but the healing process would take a while. Haley admitted that she turned to alcohol, drinking a lot after years of abstaining because her ex didn't drink. 

Haley also called the relationship 'unhealthy,' but said that she thought she could fix it. 

'He probably looks at me like the villain,' she said. 'Throwing around my version of someone else’s story doesn’t feel fair, which is funny because I don’t necessarily think it should be fair. Especially not after the s*** I went through.'

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Split: The 31-year-old singer was with Chad for ten years, married for two, before they announce their split in the summer of 2017

'It wasn’t until I saw the pictures that I was like, there’s no hiding that I’m not OK now,' she said (pictured May 2017) 

Lowest: Thankfully, her band mates got her to start eating again, but the healing process would take a while (pictured in 2017)

She admitted that she knew even before she got married in 2016 that it was a bad move, but she liked the idea of it.

'I wanted the whole thing – the family – and I thought I might even stop doing music for a while to do that,' she said.

But, she pointed out, that she wouldn't have considered such a think if she felt supported.

'Give up the thing that’s the most precious to me? Are you kidding me?'

Even on her wedding day, she wasn't quite at ease. She recalled being super critical of herself as she got ready, which wasn't how she usually behaved. 

'But when you have so much shame, you don’t want one person to see a fleck of a problem because that could be the floodgate opening,' she said.

Now she's been working on herself through music and therapy.

'One of my biggest healing moments was realizing that a lot of my depression was misplaced anger. I really forced it inward, on myself, and it made me feel shame all the time,' she said.

Problems: Haley also called the relationship 'unhealthy,' and said she knew on some level that it was doomed before they married (pictured in 2010)

Healthy habits: She has since spoken candidly about suffering depression but is healing through her music and therapy (pictured February 2020)

Back in 2018, less than a year after announcing her divorce, Haley wrote an essay for Paper Mag in which she opened up about her depression. 

'I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I didn't laugh... for a long time,' she wrote. 

Later that year, she shared a series of tweets for World Suicide Prevention Day, writing that 'when my mind was super dark and hopeless, there was a part of me that felt safe being cynical & shut down. I'm trying to get healthier now... and it’s a lifestyle shift. Sometimes it feels uncomfortable.

'And I don’t always do it well... but I hope that if you struggle with darkness that you will try and remember to let yourself feel joy when it comes. I'm trying too. Sometimes I feel like I probably look less “cool” or I worry that I’m somehow faking it. 

'But! I try hard to call out and recognize joy when I feel it, or even when i see it on my friends. Thankful for any chance to feel a genuine smile... not only on my face but deeper than that. 

'If you feel darkness, I hope you’ll wait for joy. It will come again and it is worth it.'

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